The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
