You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
