Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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