and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
