I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
