I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
