Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
