the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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