Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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