I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
