I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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