Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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