I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize