Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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