Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
