The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
