guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
