My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
