Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
