Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
