we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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