i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.