my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
We left an ass print on the piano.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?