the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
