dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
