Having a random hookup so left but love u
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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