I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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