can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
