No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
