drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
