I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
