Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
