I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
