Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
