Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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