dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
