well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
