she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
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