Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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