i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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