How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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