I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
