Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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