Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
