i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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