You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
