i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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