if i can run in heels then i can drive
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
