We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
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