There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
