Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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