did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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