maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
