All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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