I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
