I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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