Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
