why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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